Make Steve Wynn your bitch for the night in Las Vegas

Estimated read time: 15 minutes.  Estimated potential
benefit: $1000’s.

Before we get going, let me just say that I consider Steve a colleague - a true icon in every sense of the word.  Sure he’s insanely rich.  He’s immensely successful.  He is a captain of industry.  What makes him an icon, however, is his humility and pragmatism.  What makes him an icon is his innovation.  What makes him an icon is his worthiness as an adversary.  For as much as I respect Steve Wynn, believe that when I step foot off the plane at McCarran Airport, I have one goal: “to make Steve Wynn my bitch tonight”.

The following is a part of the Iconic Skill Set - Income Generation

Iconicvoyage.com concentrates on developing skills needed for ordinary people to achieve the status of “Icon”.

Card Counting – It’s not just for Rainman!

Icons should have a large skill set that can be called upon to generate income in a multitude of situations.  One of these crucial income generation skills is that of card-counting while playing blackjack at casinos.  There is a lot of myth around card counting.  The Las Vegas casinos would like you to believe that it is impossible.  It is not.  They would like you to believe that it is cheating.  It is not.  Steve Wynn would like you to believe that it is illegal.  He knows better.

ICON SAFETY TIP:

Card counting is NOT illegal.  Casinos would like you to believe that it is.  Casinos like nothing more than to administer a solid ass-raping when you come to their establishment.  Card counting is like a well timed “clinch”.  BE DISCREET!  They will certainly treat you like a criminal if they catch you.  Casinos can force anyone to leave at anytime and can bar you from returning.  It is absolutely their right under law.  Casinos hate winners, but they especially hate winners who they feel cheated them.  Sometimes, they don’t simply ask you to leave.  Sometimes they want to invite you to a tour of their back room.  Your answer to this invitation is “Fuck no, I was just leaving”.  You don’t have to go no matter what they say.  You have not committed a crime.  Simply get up and leave and do not cause even a hint of a disturbance.

Now that you are hip to the back room scam, let’s begin a lesson in simple card counting.  There are several methods out there.  Some of them are more complicated than others. Unless, one of the readers of this article is Rainman, the complicated methods are completely useless.  Don’t worry - your guy is gonna hook you up, playa! 

There are a couple of nonnegotiable truths that need to be communicated and that you must accept.  No deviations.  This is how it is.  If you don’t want to invest the time to become an icon at the blackjack table, please go play craps, roulette, or some type of mind-numbing slot game.  Dimwits will probably have more fun with these options.  The goals of an icon are to have fun, make some decent coin, possibly bang a hot chick, and show Daddy Wynn how we roll.

ICONIC TRUTH 1:  Blackjack is one of three games that are beatable in Las Vegas casinos.  The other two are Baccarat and Poker.  Any other games (i.e. craps, roulette, slots, Pai Gow Poker, etc) are not winnable consistently.  I know you think you have a “system”.  It is only good fortune that you haven’t been bankrupted by the Wynn, MGM, Bellagio, a riverboat, etc.  You might as well play carnie games.

ICONIC TRUTH 2:  This is not a get rich quick method.  Your goal is to transform yourself into a player that can consistently play well.  This will influence your results on the aggregate (overall).  You WILL have short term losses, periodically.  I am not hedging, but to think that you will go into the casino and administer a royal beat down on a Las Vegas casino for $80G’s like in the movie “The Hangover” is a pipe dream.  You WILL have huge gains SOME nights.  You WILL win consistently long term.  But, make sure you are playing at a level you can afford to sustain for a lengthy period of time.  I like to sit at the table with at least 50 betting units.  This means if I am playing a $10 game, I need $500.  The “betting unit” in this case is $10.  This sounds like an excessive bankroll for such a small game, but when you read this full posting, you will understand that $10 is a minimum.  Throughout the game you will be playing for much more.  There is no way to ELIMINATE risk, but in Blackjack, you can minimize it.  The house’s advantage in Blackjack is much lower than it is in other games.  By playing well, you can reduce the odds to almost even.  Finally, by card counting, you can actually turn this small house advantage into a small advantage for the icon!  Think a small advantage isn’t profitable?  Look around the Vegas Strip.  See all those mega resorts?  They were all built with small, consistent advantages over the average player.  Essentially, if you develop these skills, you become the house…try gaining that advantage over a Wheel of Fortune slot machine….yeah, I know: “It’s due, Grandma!”  “WHEEL…OF…FORTUNE” – sucker. 

ICONIC TRUTH 3:  You have to play “Basic Strategy” flawlessly.  I am not going to get into why Basic Strategy is important.  There are numerous books on the subject, pick one up (I’d suggest “Beat the Dealer” by Edward O. Thorp).  The FACT is that in order to have any success long term, you HAVE TO PLAY BASIC STRATEGY FLAWLESSLY.  Basic strategy needs to be memorized.  It’s second nature. 

Splitting aces, doubling eleven except against an ace, hitting 15 against a dealer’s 10.  It doesn’t matter what your unscientific experience has been - you have not done enough unbiased study.  You hit 15 or 16 against a ten EVERY fucking time!!  If you can’t memorize basic strategy, because you are incompetent, drunk, or stupid, you can pick up a card at the casino gift shop that has basic strategy scenarios and proper plays.  These cards will tell you when to hit, stand, split, double down, etc. based on the current scenario.  One caveat: if you can’t learn basic strategy, you are probably destined to fail at card counting…sorry.  There is nothing wrong with holding on to the card (in fact, it may serve as a nice cover up to the fact that you are counting cards), but you should be able to play the vast majority of scenarios without it.  Here is a basic strategy table that you should practice memorizing.

BASIC STRATEGY:

Know it.  Love it.  Live it.

A couple hard and fast rules that you NEVER deviate from:

·         Always split aces

·         Always stand at 17

·         Always stand with A8, A9, A10, and 10-10…please do not split tens…you look like a complete fucking tool and the entire table will hate you.

·         Always play 5-5 as ten

·         Always split 8-8…why?...because I said so.

·         Never sit at a table with an automatic shuffler…you can’t count an automatic shuffler, numbnuts!

·         If a game allows dealers to hit a soft 17, it is bad for you

·         Bad players at a table can completely fuck your chances…their actions affect the outcome of the game as much as yours do…if you cannot assist and/or shame them into playing better (through a series of suggestions, eye rolls, sighs, snide comments, or blatant “what the fuck are you doing/only assholes play like that” comments), you must leave the table

·         Always double on eleven, except against an ace.

THE CHART

I put together a basic blackjack strategy chart for reference.  You need to either memorize the entire chart or carry it with you.  You will probably look slightly cooler with my chart since it has the official iconicvoyage.com logo on it, but I digress.

Download Here

WHO’S YOUR DADDY, MR. WYNN?

Now that you are an expert at basic strategy, the casino has a significantly smaller edge over you.  However, they still enjoy a slight edge that is powerful enough to enable them to add a new wing to the Mack Daddy Suite portion of Caesars Palace within the next few months, even if everyone played perfectly.

However, you, being an icon, are going to change the game.  You are an alpha.  You will bend the hotel over.  The pit boss will know your name and scream it in agony.  You will make them grab their ankles.  You will play the position of “pitcher” while the rest of the table (including the dealer) gets in line to play “catcher”.  Hope you stretched and make sure you lube up…we’re icons not jerks!

BASIC CARD COUNTING:

Rain Man memorized the cards in a six deck shoe.  You are not Rain Man.  (Note: If you are Rain Man, why are you reading this?  Fucking Wapner is on in like 5 minutes!)  Therefore, you need a method that is decidedly simpler than memorizing which cards are left out of the 192 cards in the deck.  Note: the fact that you didn’t catch that last sentence is proof that you need to pay more attention.  There are actually 312 cards in a six deck shoe. 

TRUTH 4: More high cards left in the deck are better for the player than more low cards.  More low cards left in the deck are better for Steve Wynn and the House (think about being dealt fifteen or watching the dealer draw out 14 cards to make 21…bastard!).  The player will win more consistently (as a matter of statistical fact) when the remaining decks have a greater number of high cards than low cards.  (If you would like to know the mathematics behind this, go look it up). 

Great!  How the fuck do I know how many high cards are left without memorizing what’s been played?  Good question!  You count them.  More accurately, you calculate the ratio of high to low cards based on a running indicator that clues you into how “hot” (more high cards) or “cold” (more low cards) the deck is relative to when the deck was initially dealt.  We do this by simply adding +1 when a low card is removed (dealt) from the remaining decks and by subtracting -1 when a good card (high card) comes out.  We don’t count the mid level cards because they are statistically neutral.  The higher the number (the running count) the better/hotter/more profitable the deck is.  Clear?  Let’s begin.

Parameters
When the deck is shuffled and placed in the shoe, you begin your count at 0.
Each time the dealer pulls a card from the shoe, you need to inconspicuously assign a “score” to each card dealt and tally up all the cards played (remember if they suspect you of this, they will not be happy).

·         In your mind, start adding/subtracting based on the following:

o   For every low card that appears on the table (2, 3, 4, 5, 6) = +1

o   For every high card that appears on the table (10, J, Q, K, A) = -1

o   7s, 8s, and 9s are neutral…disregard them = 0

o   Here’s a sample deal with 3 players and a dealer

  Player 1: 5-5
          +2
  Player 2: 10 – 5
          +/- 0
  Player 3: 4 -4
          +2
  Dealer: 10 – 10

 -2

What is the running count?    (2+0+2-2=2)


Now, keep the count throughout the entire shoe.


As hands go by, you will be able to make an assessment of the cards left in the deck.  You should be able to label the deck hot, cold, or neutral.  For instance, if after a few hands your running count is 12, the deck could be labeled hot.  Why?  More low cards have come out of the shoe than high cards.  This bodes well for you in future hands.  You are more likely to win with the “hot” deck with an inordinate amount of 10’s and Aces.  If after a few hands the running count is at -8, you know that a significant number of high cards have now been played – relative to low cards.  The deck is cold.  Future hands are statistically more likely to favor Steve Wynn.  If the count after a few hands is 0, the deck is no colder nor hotter than it was when it was first shuffled.  The odds of winning are relatively close to losing future hands if you are playing perfect basic strategy.

Great!  Now you know how to count cards.  Yeah!  Oh, that doesn’t help much does it?  Simply counting the cards and keeping track of when the deck is hot does nothing for your bankroll!

YOU ARE A GOD…TAKE WHAT’S RIGHTFULLY YOURS!

He who has the knowledge controls the market, right?  Imagine if you could determine when the stock market was going to rise.  Imagine if you knew when it was going to fall.  What would you do?  You’d buy more stock before it rose and pull out money before it fell!  This is precisely the position you are now in at the blackjack table.

You now need to know how to play God with the blackjack market.  Let me help you…because I like you.

Up till now, you have been calculating a running count.  +1, -1 and this has led you to a rough estimate of who has the deck’s favor (you or the house).  However, it is not a complete number.  You have not taken into account how many cards are left in the shoe.  This is crucial to know just how hot or cold the deck really is. 

Let’s say you are sitting at a table that is being played with a six deck shoe.  After three hands you have calculated the running count to be +12.  Favorable, right?  Now, look at the shoe.  Estimate how many of the six decks are remaining.  Let’s say you estimate there are 5 decks left in the shoe.  This means about one deck has been dealt.  Divide the running count (+12) by the number of decks left (5).  The result is the true count.  In this case, 12/5 = 2.4 or about 2.

We said before that if we knew the market was going to rise, we would get more money in.  How much more should we put in?  It should be relative to how good the market is, right?  What if we took our true count and multiplied by the average bet that we are playing at the table?  This average bet is our “betting unit”.  For instance, if we calculate our true count is 2 and we have an average starting bet of $10, the next hand, we should bet $20.  If we were playing a minimum bet of $25, we would now bet $50, and so on.  When the deck is cold, or running at a negative “true count” or even at a neutral count we would drop our next bet to our minimum betting unit.  This way we are betting high when the deck is favorable and low when the deck is less favorable.  We are engaging in a kind of insider trading scheme.  We get more money in the market before the good times hit (a proportionally relative amount) / we pull back our investment just before the Blackjack market sucks.  Look at you!  You’re like a Wall Street super trader!  Now slap a high five to the dweeb from Albuquerque, pass your room key to the Hooters girl next to you, shrug your shoulders and tell them how lucky you are, and walk on, Player…walk on!

TRUTH 5:  Practice this method or you will feel like a retard at the table.  This is an effective and simple way to card count.  It is simple to understand.  It is not simple to implement.  You need to practice.  When you’re at the casino, there will be numerous distractions.  You must be able to maintain the count while carrying on a conversation, acting nonchalant, playing with perfect basic strategy, trying to get a peek down the hot chick’s blouse in the seat next to you, tuning out the yelling and buzzing and bells and whistles on the floor, making conversation with the dweeb from Albuquerque, and having a good time.  Alcohol will make you slow.  Plus one minus one is difficult when the cards are moving fast.  This plus one/minus one counting method must be second nature.  Bottom line: practice, practice, practice…before you get to Vegas!

By the way, tell my colleague Steve I said “hi”!

Epilogue

Icons also share.  They always remember the hookup.  If you want to send me 10% of your winnings for sharing this info, hit me up at iconicvoyage.com or daddydrinksbecauseyoucry@gmail.com and I’ll get you an address to send your checks!  At the very least send this blog to friends, post on Facebook, or give me a Digg!

Tushy pads, goats, aerodynamics, and spandex.

Hello bikers! Let me clarify. By bikers, I am not referring to those people that ride Harleys or Hondas or crotch-rockets or anything else that can maintain a reasonable speed on the street and would be much too fast for the sidewalk. I want to be clear that I have no issue with those of you that choose to travel on two wheels, so long as the two wheels includes a motor that is capable of reaching speeds in excess of 40 mph. Those bikers are exempt from this dissertation. The “bikers” I am referring to are those that power their vehicles with their feet. We have a bit of a problem that needs to be addressed.

There is a growing trend that is increasingly disturbing to me. It is the trend of grownups dressing in “sponsorship” laden spandex with an onboard tushy pad, helmets, special shoes, tiny review mirrors attached to their noggins, and reflectors of all colors and sizes integrated into their “vehicle”/costume. Once they have their team “uniform” on, they venture out into traffic somehow believing that this clown suit has made them aerodynamic enough to increase their horsepower to a level that is sufficient to compete with automobiles.

Attention bikers: you are not Lance Armstrong. Just because you are in shape, you bought a yellow “live strong” rubber band, and your tushy cushion is made from memory foam, does not make you part of the team. It doesn’t. Did you get that? None of us think that you are on the team. Not one of us. We do not drive past you doing a double take. We do not secretly want to stop you for autographs and only resist the urge out of fear of disrupting what could be a world record time. We do not respect you more because your spandex is riddled with fake sponsors. We don’t believe that FedEX/Pepsi/USPS/Nike/Hooters marketing dollars are somehow sponsoring your trip to the local Qwikie Mart. Stop it. Even if you were Lance Armstrong, we still have a problem.

I live in Fishers. I travel through many other suburbs in and around the Indianapolis Metropolitan area. You know what I see a lot of? Sidewalks. Not just regular sidewalks. Big frickin’ sidewalks. Like over sized sidewalks that you could almost fit a car down. But of course, none of us car drivers (notice I used the term driver and not “rider” a subtle but important distinction) would ever make the mistake of thinking that we could travel in this luxurious sidewalk lane. No. Car drivers realize that there is a special place for cars. It’s called the street. It has lines and special lights and things like lanes that are slightly larger than our cars to accommodate them. There are posted signs that tell us how fast to go. Sometimes we go slow like…well…you. Other times, it is necessary for us to go fast like: “vroom vroom” (the sound of an engine). Notice I did not type “pant, pant” the sound of you trying to increase your speed.

Regardless, the special speed signs are a suggestion as to how we should proceed in this special area known as the street. The street is a special area for cars. There are lots of special areas. Here’s an example: Let’s say you’re at a restaurant. There’s a special place where you pee. It has a sign maybe several that designate that area for you. It’s a special room designed to keep the pee makers separate from the other patrons. Of course if you all of a sudden just decided to pee in a corner, the rest of the restaurant’s patrons would be disappointed in your actions and may confront you and ask you not to pee in the special dining area...as I am politely attempting to do right now. Sure some would not say anything to you. Others might just leave. Still others might support your cause and come up with catchy phrases like “share the road” or “pee where you like”. Some might think it a good idea to join you. However, the rest of us think…well…the rest of us think your arrogance and self-important actions suck. We think it’s horrible that you urinated in the restaurant, just like we think it sucks that you take up a lane in the special car area when you have freshly paved pedestrian lanes that the taxpayers built especially for you and the other self powered movers - simply because you feel you are above the rules. It’s as if you believe you can just pee wherever you like. You can't pee wherever you like.

And before you get all bent out of shape and scoff at the thought of being lumped in with walkers, let me assure you that just because you have a special uniform does not make you a car. Sure, that fancy space-age plastic pointy helmet will surely make you more aerodynamic and the new microfiber spandex will definitely alleviate some nasty chafing, but neither make you more like a car than a pedestrian. The fact of the matter is that the new larger sidewalks were designed to accommodate you AND the walkers. The road lanes are not larger. They still just fit cars. The sidewalks were developed with you in mind. They obviously were oversized for a reason other than because they had extra asphalt. They were laid down in smooth paths for your riding pleasure and steam rolled to protect your delicate tushies. They have no speed suggestions…you could go slow, or you could try to beat your personal best. You could even stop in the middle of your competition and refuel with a special "racing" snack if you like. They are yours, man! Enjoy them! Our gift to you! Call it a reward for making the “team”. Congrats! Yay! We have also built special parks, lanes, trails, all for you! We all chipped in to get you off the fucking street! Could you please show us all a bit of gratitude and use them?

Think about the worst traffic you have ever seen in the world. No..not New York, Chicago or LA. Those places are bad. There is a lot of traffic. But it moves in an orderly fashion. I’m talking really bad, inefficient traffic flows. The worst in the world. You’ve seen it on TV for sure. China. India. Places where populations are simply out of control - where there is complete chaos in the streets. No one goes anywhere. You know what they like to travel on…you got it…bikes! You ever seen that? Look like fun? That's going to be us soon! Then after that, who's to stop you from breaking out a rickshaw or farm animal to ride? Now’s the time to take a stand! Take a stand before it’s too late - before rickshaws and mules start becoming acceptable on our street. Do we want that? I’m telling you, we are on a slippery slope. We are headed right for mules and goats becoming acceptable modes of transportation on our streets. Trust me.

For Christ’s sake, please…I beg you…please, if you are traveling down a street with a sidewalk and you are on a bike…use it. There is no reason why those of us that choose to travel in our cars (presumably because we have somewhere to be and don’t have time to lolly-gagg and play dress-up in the middle of the special car lanes) should have to all line up behind you going half the speed limit, and then one by one pass you in some sort of special parade maneuver placing us in the path of oncoming traffic. There’s no reason for it.

Finally, let me confess to something. Yes it is me. I’m the guy that pulls up along side you and screams “you are not a car” or simply “not a car!” when I am forced to pass you. I have taught my kids to do it. They love it. They too now scream “not a car” as we pass you. I have suggested others do it, as well. It is not malicious. It is a simple reminder that in order for us all to get along, we should all do our part. If that means we have to accept your dress-up routine…fine. If I have to sip my Starbucks coffee while your perfectly defined spandex sausage “package” stares me in the face…fine. If it means that I have to watch certain bikers that are perhaps a little too large for two wheels wobble down the street in spandex while the wheels of your Lance Armstrong bike struggle to maintain a circular shape...fine. But for the love God, throw me a fucking bone, Sir Lancelot!

-B. Iconic

Sarah Palin: “Why, dear God, does she still have a voice?”

I have to get something off my chest. Why? Why for the love of God? For all that is sacred and good? Why do you imbeciles continue to give Sarah Palin a voice? Who the fuck cares what Sarah Palin thinks? She’s a quitter. She’s a hypocrite. She’s a buffoon. She’s the butt of the joke that she apparently doesn’t get. Palin's the reason McCain lost the election. Sarah is quite possibility guilty of abuses of power and is almost certainly guilty of ineptness, if nothing else. Sarah Palin is more accurately compared to a white-trash trailer dwelling inbred than the lipstick wearing pig that plays soccer with pit bulls…or whatever.

Still, regardless of Palin's ineptness, regardless of how she slaps you all in the face with her exploits, you still come back. I still see her on TV. I still read about her on the Internet. I still hear derelicts preaching her name as though she is some sort of voice for a new generation.

Enough already! Would you people grow a set of balls? Would you have some self respect? It’s embarrassing. It is. Sarah Palin is not the next president. Sarah Palin is some hot piece of ass that an old dude brought into to try and Jedi mind trick you. McCain wanted you to believe that he was young and hip and virile. It almost worked if Miss “You Betcha My Fellow Americans…oops, Mavericky Maverick” could have just played her part. Palin even fucked that up. She was given the golden opportunity and she squandered it…now let Sarah Palin go the fuck away like the rest of the political has-beens that didn’t make the cut (Dukakis, Dewey, Mondale, Dole...these are her people)!  

Is there a greater atrocity and glaring example of her arrogance than the fact that she quit her elected post as Governor of Alaska and still has the huge nut sack to mock, chastise, and critique the non-quitters? What an embarrassment! What a punch in the nuts! Are you supporters not outraged? No, you aren’t! You’re fucking supportive. You talk about how she did it for the good of Alaska. You try and pin it on the Justice Department. You make bogus claims that her family needed her – no shit…every family needs the parents…Obama has kids, Dubya had kids, Todd Palin doesn’t work…stop it already. You make excuses for her. SHE CAMPAIGNED FOR A POST, GOT IT, ABUSED HER POWER, AND THEN QUIT WHEN SOMEONE NOTICED! What the fuck is more cut and dry than that? Did she quit to take on more responsibility? Is she doing something better for the good of “Her Fellow Americans”? NOPE. She quit to entertain book deals. She quit to evaluate TV offers. She quit to avoid prosecution…allegedly. Perhaps she quit because her daughter was knocked up again and she had to twist the father’s arm into a bogus proposal that would last till just after the election before it “spontaneously” fell apart.

Most importantly, Sarah Palin quit to go fishing and sit on the sidelines and cast stones at the people that are actually trying to help the country through some very real problems.

Sarah Palin in 2012?  Are you fucking kidding me?  Rush Limbaugh...what the fuck?...Rush, come on.  Even you are not that stupid, right?  Even you are not that myopic...right, Rush Limbaugh...chief ditto head?  What the fuck is this political party coming too?

You see, Sarah, let me speak directly to you, my fellow American. In this whacky world of politics, there are two types of people. There are those that accomplish things.  There are those that have ideas and they care about their ideas.  These people get elected and then they make decisions, they shape policy, and they move this country in the direction that they believe is best. They have been entrusted with a duty. They carry out that duty. They stay until the duty has been fulfilled. They would not ask for the opportunity if they were not sure they could complete it. They embrace the opportunity to lead. They are not simply media whores (some of them). Though they all think they look pretty on TV, only the really pathetic ones make completely outrageous comments simply to garner air time. Rush Limbaugh does this, but he can’t even be placed in charge of the family medicine cabinet…everyone knows this – so he doesn’t count. Is that what you have become? Are you just another fucking dittohead?  This group, that I am referring, doesn’t always make the perfect decisions, but they make decisions that they believe are best. They wake up every morning and embrace the challenge. They do it because they care, not for a book deal or to become the next Ricki Lake. Examples of this group in politics (of which you certainly do not belong) might be Barack Obama, Senator Evan Bayh, John McCain, Ronald Reagan, Bill Clinton, Governor Mitch Daniels. We’ll call these people: “Icons”. We'll call these people "winners".  These people were given a voice, earned a bigger voice, and continue to respect the fact that they are lucky to have this voice.

There is, however, another group of people that exist in politics, Sarah Palin. These people take the opportunities given to them for granted. They squander them. They piss on the trust that has been placed in them. They cast stones and ridicule the winners. They are like movie critics. They always wanted to be stars in the movies, but alas, they sucked. These people are the ones that make asses of themselves at the party. They are your weird drunk aunt that doesn’t seem to get the joke that they have become. These people don’t shape policy, they wait for others and then they nitpick its weaknesses - a la Rush Limbaugh and the pill popping ditto heads. They make egregious, slanderous remarks. They talk about death panels and terrorism as though either is some sort of joke.  They are embarrassments to all of us. They are more concerned with prolonging their fifteen minutes of fame than helping their “Fellow Americans”. They are probably better suited to be working a pole somewhere in a desolate coal mining town. You, Sarah Palin, are a part of this group. We will call this group “losers”.

-B. Iconic

Douchebag Politics

Douchebag Politics...An Icon’s Perspective

Part of the "Iconic Maxims Series"

Left wing media. Right wing conspiracies. Bleeding heart liberal. Compassionate conservative. Socialist. Capitalist. Democrat. Republican.

Douchebags place themselves in the boxes above. Dim witted, small-minded sheep can be identified by the above labels. Icons do not follow policy mandated from “above” as consideration for their affiliation with a group. Icons are bigger than the group policy. Icons create and evaluate policy, they do not follow it. Icons are disgusted by blind affiliation with any of the above groups. Icons are not Democrats. Icons are not Republicans. Icons are voters. We wield our power judiciously and without bias in order to manipulate outcomes in our favor. Icons make decisions based on current circumstances and desired outcomes. Douchebags make decisions because it's “who they are” or it's “the party they belong to”. Is there a greater admission and acceptance of your role as sheep than to say you “belong to the Republican/Democratic parties”?

How can you be stuffed into such tiny boxes? You’re better than that! How can you be duped into acceptance of mediocrity for the good of a political party that only exists as a means to consolidate power to a chosen few? Why do the two parties exist? They exist because voters, in general, are too stupid, too lazy, or too uninterested to evaluate individual candidates. Therefore, they rely on affiliation with a party, dictation of policy by higher authorities, recommendations by other douchebags (Rush Limbaugh, Jesse Jackson, etc.), or superficial evaluation criteria to manage critical decisions.

Often, blind loyalty results in an outcome of extremist politics designed to combat extremism. What? You fear the Evil Doers so you choose an Evil Doer that commits crimes against humanity to run (or ruin) your country. You fear tax hikes so you elect leaders that rape and pillage the coffers, implement unnecessary and ill-advised tax cuts, and embrace extreme deficits. You fear Socialism, so you allow Capitalists to control health care (one of the only things that you could make a case should be a social program). You fear Capitalism so you provide financial assistance to deadbeats and drug dealers. You fear genetic engineering so you support destruction of the scientific communities. You fear government intervention so you elect a regime that guts the SEC and gives the banking industry a free ride and then sit back and wonder why Enron, Madoff, and mortgage backed securities make headlines.

What happened to middle of the road? Why is the middle such a bad spot according to the pundits? Why are politicians that consider both sides considered wish washy? Why have politics become so extreme? Why do we have to balance the Presidency and Congress with only two (or three) choices? Because it's the only thing sheep understand! Two choices. Yes or no. Vanilla or chocolate. Conservative or liberal. Democrat or Republican. Can you fucking handle that? Is that dumbed down enough for you? Are you capable of either/or? So many voters practice douchebag politics that the two parties know this and cater to them. You are easy prey. You will buy whatever they are selling because you like the fucking salesman. Further, you may not even like THIS salesman – you may have simply liked a salesman from a long time ago that shared the same party. You are guaranteed votes. You are foregone conclusions. You are mindless spokes in a wheel. You are commodities. They ARE laughing at you, do you hear them?

If you are not questioning the intents and actions of your government representatives individually based on merit, intent, adherence of policy to your version of “The Good”, and past performance you are making potentially catastrophic errors that could impact us all. If you cannot evaluate based on these factors you are causing more harm than good by voting. You are a douchebag. Many times, there is no such thing as an either/or. It takes more brain power than simply dialing in Rush. Douchebags are Republicans. Douchebags are Democrats. Douchebags are spokes in a wheel. Icons are decision makers, policy shapers, and independent thinkers that evaluate choices based on their assessment of right and wrong and the outcome that they choose to dictate. Icons are wooed, not controlled. Icons are swing voters. Icons do not settle for mediocrity. Icons demand excellence.

-B. Iconic